getting comfortable with being uncomfortable

wish me luck

I am *starting to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

It’s not an easy feeling.

Finally got to Rep Club! More below.

I find myself in this position as I am one week away from principal photography on that short film I’ve been telling you about. And potentially a week and a half away from releasing another thing which I will tell you about later.

I am learning some new things in both of these projects. Producing a literal movie and being on mic and on camera where I cannot hide behind the scenes.

I’ve told you before, I’ve done a lot of different creative things, produced a lot of random stuff. But these projects are new and different and have put me to the test.

It’s funny. I guess I am kinda finally doing things I’ve always wanted to do. And it’s nerve wracking.

Excuse me if it sounds like I’m speaking in riddles. I’m just trying to process where I am right now. I’m in the thick of production and post production and, while it has felt overwhelming and stressful and hard… it’s also very rewarding and thrilling… and fun?

I have found myself saying out loud, amid the delirium of hopping from meeting to costume fitting to a gazillion emails and paperwork:

“We’re making a movie!”

Lol. Nerd. But we are.

And even if I didn’t take the traditional route to get here, I actually feel very prepared and capable. Like all the little steps and pivots I took, the odd jobs I’ve had, and the random things I have learned along the way, have, in so many ways, more than prepared me for this moment.

And while I would prefer to be in total control and to know exactly what happens next, it’s nearly impossible when you’re making something creative with a lot of people and minds and possibilities involved. There’s more risk but there’s also so much more reward. And to succeed in this, I have learned that I truly have to let go. GAH!

I have to trust others more. I have to delegate. I have to ask for help. UGH.

As someone once said (on a pod I directed and produced)…

I have to be brave.

And, perhaps most importantly, I have to really get comfortable with being uncomfortable. That’s how I know I am learning and growing. There will always be something on the other side. I just gotta push through.

I/we/you got this.

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My recs for the week:

Steve Papazian on Angle on Producers podcast. I’m finishing the first of two episodes with veteran Hollywood studio executive Steve Papazian. He was president of production at Warner Bros and Universal with a career spanning five decades in film and television. He worked on projects like Night Court, The Matrix, The Hobbit, and Harry Potter. The business is so different from when he started in the late 70s and early 80s but hearing what it was like from the old days and how much it’s grown and changed over the years due to shifts in technology, taste, and economics is fascinating. Very cool to hear about the business from someone who was there when studios had a “telegraph department.” His job interview with Lew Wasserman feels like a classic Hollywood career story that doesn’t quite happen anymore.

Christopher McQuarrie on Happy Sad Confused podcast. This was recommended by a colleague. I actually listened to this before the Papazian pod and they kinda pair well together. McQuarrie is Tom Cruise’s longtime collaborator and is writer/director of four installments of the Mission: Impossible franchise including the latest edition, The Final Reckoning, which is discussed here. His other films include Top Gun: Maverick, Jack Reacher, and Valkrie. He also wrote The Mummy and The Usual Suspects (wut). It’s a great conversation about blockbuster filmmaking and what a modern Hollywood writing and directing career can look like. Maybe not necessarily for someone who looks like me… BUT there are lessons here about filmmaking for global audiences and getting out of director jail.

Taking time for yourself in the midst of all the madness. I know it’s hard when you’re deep in the work and the world feels like it’s in free fall… but don’t forget to go outside, take a walk, and, more importantly do something for YOU! This week I snuck in a couple things for me: 1) Visited Reparations Club and bought a new book. It was partly a work thing but partly a nice thing for me if I’m being honest. Love the space and hope to go back some more. 2) Went to see my acupuncturist friend. I got cupped for the first time (the best pinches omg), tuned by forks (?!?), and had the most incredible “stress relieving and magical” rose tea. (Don’t believe me? See evidence below.) Then I 3) Splurged on juice and “healthy” food at Erewhon nearby. I know, I know. While I don’t recommend splurging on overpriced health and wellness food and things, I do recommend you doing you. Because I/we/you deserve it, amirite?

P.S. I’ll be in production next week so I might write a letter or I might be working then taking a little break. We’ll see when I get there. Wish me luck and see you on the other side!